Building a Great Marriage: Understanding the Importance of Structure


Building a Great Marriage:for a marriage to develop into a symbol of beauty, intimacy, and grace, it must possess a great deal of structure.  A chaotic marriage, which lacks trust, stability, and communication, will not experience the quality of bliss and happiness it deserves.  A structured marriage should move toward greatness on a daily basis. A commitment toward structure keeps it on the right course.

The toxic behaviors which threaten structure in a marriage include:

  • Lack of appreciation
  • Little support for your dreams and goals
  • Self-absorbed with on interest
  • Suspicions of cheating
  • Lack of interest in interpersonal communication
  • Unexplained emotional distance
  • Showing little interest in intimacy
  • Spending little if any fun time together
  • Hanging out late with friends at the bar
  • Forgetting special days, including anniversaries and birthdays
  • Constantly heated exchanges when you are together

The presence of these toxic behaviors indicates a lack of marital structure.  Any marriage suffering from just a few of these problems will be in jeopardy of falling apart. The situation must be addressed immediately if the relationship is to survive.

Keeping structure in marriage begins with communication.  Your spouse cannot read your mind and you cannot continue wasting precious time in a troubled relationship.  Chances are you are being taken advantage of by the person you love.


You must confront the situation by informing your spouse that immediate communication is vital if the relationship is going to go on. Courage is required. The goal is to discuss the state of the marriage and to discover what is going on.

Avoid approaching the situation with anger. Things can quickly get out of hand and explode if the truth is exposed.

As hard as it may appear, attempt to be sensitive to the feelings of your spouse as you discuss the chaos happening within the relationship. Take adequate time to listen thoughtfully to one another.  Consider the possibility that you could be part of the problem.

The objective of deep conversation with your spouse is to reestablish structure within your marriage so that it can become a model of beauty and health.

To be or not to be married

If your spouse agrees to stop the toxic behavior and make a change toward creating structure in the relationships, then congratulations. You have done a courageous and honorable deed for the sake of saving your marriage.  But if your spouse is unwilling to change his or her lifestyle, then you must disconnect and move on.  You cannot hang on to something that is no longer supporting your health and well-being.

Structured marriages are the opposite of toxic ones. Such marriages are filled with:

  • Constant Appreciation
  • Support
  • Intimacy
  • Moments of bliss
  • Quality time
  • Trust and honesty
  • Inspiring friendships
  • Newness and excitement
  • Confidence and power

A well-structured marriage will stand out from the crowd and will produce recognition, grace, and rewards.

  • People will see your marriage as a model for their own relationships.
  • Your intimacy will develop into a symbol of oneness
  • Your children will desire to emulate your lifestyles in their own marriages
  • You and your spouse will discover levels of newness in one another
  • You will have many friends because of the magnetic pull of your marriage

The effort to keep structure within your relationships must begin on the first day of marriage and never end.  A great married must be earned on a daily basis.  Watch your marriage like a hawk. Never forget the feeling of being newlyweds.  Remember the joy and excitement the two of you felt. It was a time when you never imagined leaving each other’s side.

When outward forces begin to disturb this newness of life, both of you must respond with deep conversation and submission.  Get away from the family and friends and doctor on your marriage. Allowing things to go unaddressed for too long could spell doom and gloom for your relationship. Refuse to become a divorce statistic. Reestablish structure.

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